Hello!!!

I used three exclamation points and I know it’s not proper but I lost all of my writing discipline when I regressed to writing privately in the last two months. To be honest, I have nothing valuable to say. But because I can’t explain exactly why I can’t make myself publish anything, I thought that I’d give a sample of what I think of when I don’t think of publishing.

July 21, 2021

I feel like writing on a notebook so here the fuck I am. I exist. You exist. Do thoughts exist? What is existence, really? It doesn’t need to be tangible, does it? Because in that case, thoughts, which are intangible, do exist. So, whatever you conjure in your head, whatever you imagine, exists in a way. Is it substantial? Should everything that exist be substantial? Maybe not. But consider this: Why are you having these thoughts if they’re not significant. If they are significant to you, they must be substantial. I’m not a fucking philosopher. I just like the contact of my pen on this notebook. I’m vain. And I don’t even write legibly. Is “legibly” even correct? See, my grammar isn’t even perfect. And I’m redundant. I used the word “even” in three consecutive sentences. I made this redundancy exist. Hey, aint that something? — H

This is the best I can come up in the last two months. But I never stopped writing. I’m just certain that I’m not in the writing-for-readers headspace. I’m not sure if I ever will be there anytime soon.

If by accident you came upon this story and thought, “what a load of shit!” I sincerely apologize. But if you’re one of the friends I made here, thank you for your time and tolerance, and I hope you are well.

To lighten up this bleak story, here are few recommendations from my two months of self-indulgence:

BOOKS

• Deception (short story collection) — Roald Dahl
• Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End — Atul Gawande
• Born A Crime — Trevor Noah
• The Night is Darkening Around Me (and other poems) — Emily Bronte
• Percy Bysshe Shelley: Selected Poetry and Prose

MUSIC

• Uno (2012) — Greenday
• Dos (2012)— Greenday
• Tre (2012) — Greenday
• It Won’t Always Be Like This (2021)— Inhaler
• Hackers Soundtrack (1995)
• Solitude Standing (1987) — Suzanne Vega
• “Heroes” (1977) — David Bowie
• Kapayapaan (2002) — Tropical Depression
• P.O.T. (Best of) (2005) — P.O.T.

FILMS

• Hackers (1995)
• Before Sunset (2004)
• Black Widow (2021)
• Les Miserables: The Staged Concert (2019)

TV SERIES

• Warrior Seasons 1 & 2 (2019–2020)
• The Flight Attendant (2020)
• The Good Place Seasons 1–4 (2016–2020)

ART (if you're looking for something to stare at)

• Young Herdsmen with Cows — Albert Cuyp
• Pont Neuf, Paris — Renoir
• Performances by Otobong Nkanga

Alright then!